The Election Campaign that Stopped the World - The Official Head to Head Analysis

November 4th 2008. To the general public, it’s just a date with no significant meaning to the state of the world. However, to those in the know, this date is one of the most significant times in United States history, let alone the world. It’s the election campaign that has stopped the globe, slapped it in the face and delivered a Chuck Norris-esque round house kick to the head so powerful, that it could change humanity for the next four years.

That’s right, I’m talking about the 2008 Election Campaign for the Republic of Palau.
While the rest of the world is sitting around twiddling their thumbs and arguing hopelessly on another less important election campaign, I’m getting into the heat of the battle, weighing up the contenders to one of the most eagerly anticipated elections of all time.

To those not as in touch with the world as I, and are too busy fiddling with the iPhone or their iPod Touch (which I might add, according to their new advertising campaign, is the ‘funnest’ iPod ever – see what I mean – stupid people), Palau is a country is an island nation in the Pacific Ocean, just east of the Philippines. It is one of the world’s youngest and smallest independent nations and houses a population of around 20,000 people. The structure of the Government is based on a presidential representative democratic republic where the president is both head of state and head of government. Palau has two legislative chambers of Parliament (bicameral) consisting of the Senate with 9 seats and the House of Delegates with 16 seats. By popular vote, the president is elected for a four year term, as well as the members of the senate and the House of Delegates, who each serve a four year term.

The current outgoing president is Tommy Esang Remengesau, who aimed to make Palau less dependent on United States aid and promoted an influx of tourism with their popular fishing spots. And who wouldn’t want to sail 800km east of the Philippines to pick up some wonderfully fresh Barramundi? I know I would! If Tommy Boy was doing such a great job, you’d wonder how the other candidates stack up to his brave and noble policies. Let’s have a look at the main candidates;

Vice President Elias Camsek (Cowboy) Chin. The hot favourite for this election, Chin has been the vice president of Palau since 2005. His official website says that he is a career military man with 23 years of distinguished service achieving the rank of Lieutenant Colonel in the U.S. Army before retiring. His fondness for American ‘wild west’ culture earned him the nickname Cowboy. It’s safe to say that Cowboy Chin can be compared to another military man in another, not as widely covered, election campaign held in the little known country of the United States. I think the guy’s name is John McCain or something, can’t be too sure. But make no mistake, this is no prehistoric animal. He has the experience to run such a large independent country. He has had a very strong approval rating as a vice president and in the first round of preliminary voting, he and running mate senator Alan Seid claimed a strong 32.95% of the votes, nudging just out in front of his second round rival candidate, and the underdog, Johnson Toribiong.

The Change We Need could well be Johnson Toribiong’s slogan in the lead up to this nail-bitingly close election campaign. Though he lacks the experience needed to run such a prosperous country, what he makes up for is his charismatic and charming persona. He is indeed a man of the people. He is a man who could be compared to Barack Obama in the - fuck I’ve forgotten which country he’s the candidate for again...whatever – election. With his own free downloadable iPhone and iPod Touch application, it’s hard to see how he could be criticised for his speeches of change and freedom that motivate and move the Palauan people. The one main criticism identified by Cowboy Chin, is that his ideas on foreign policy are shallow and pedantic and lack the foresight necessary for such a booming and prosperous country. He and his running mate Kerai Mariur have been given a warm reception and approval by Oprah herself, as well as such famous celebrities like Bono, to name one. Though his speeches seem rather motivating, no one is quite sure what his views actually are. All he stands by is the change we need. And it’s the change we want, this biased blogger is willing to report.

Though he’s inexperienced and naive when it comes to foreign policy, and nobody is quite sure what it is he is changing to create a better future, and his speeches are ripped straight from a clichéd hero movie by the latest Hollywood hack, he’s probably the best we’ve got. I mean, he couldn’t make the country any worse, so if that isn’t a logical enough explanation to vote for him, then I don’t know what is. Therefore, I, Matt Bate, hereby declare my support for:

Johnson Toribiong for Palauan President for 2008.

Go get ‘em tiger.

UPDATE: NOVEMBER 7th

I feel like keeping people up to date on the election status. As of a day ago, Toribiong/Mariur have 3,928 to Chin/Seid with 3,664!

I’d like to state first and foremost that my blog probably had a hand in undermining the favourite!

Go Toribiong!